Today doesn’t have to suck. You don’t have to feel miserable. This day could be an opportunity to inquire, to look into the places that hurt with tenderness and acceptance.
It is my understanding that no one enjoys feeling lonely; yet longing is a Universal experience. What if this yearning is a gift; an opportunity to embrace yourself and go deeper within your heart? What if this call to greater connection was directing you to building a new healthy internal relationship?
So here we are again, alone with an overwhelming sadness, then the story line begins:
“You are alone, I don’t want to feels this way, I am never going to find love, I am broken, it’s hopeless, I am unlovable, I am unworthy of another’s love, too old, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough…or whatever your story line is.”
In the words of Brene Brown, “You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”
You are worthy.
The work is to sit, be with the sensations and breathe. Be with the negativity; bring it close, you maybe even wrestle with it. Then soften you body, speak kindly to yourself and notice what shifts. Can you find one of your gifts to focus on? Keep doing this over and over and over again until something changes. You are re-wiring your neural pathways and increasing your capacity to sit with discomfort, the core of the mindfulness practice.
When we look around at the seemingly happy couples walking in the park or out for dinner, remember relationships take work. Why not start with building the relationship you have with yourself and see how it ripples out.
Society tells us we need to be in partnership to be loveable and successful. I beg to differ…
You are awesome single and in relationship. Trauma informed practices teach that we heal in relationship, not in isolation. This relationship may be with another human or it could be with oneself. Possibly then, when you are all loved up from within, another soul will join the dance of life and walk with you?
I realize this is a radical idea. It is much easier to grab a drink, put on Netflix, or just find someone to fill the empty hole. But then, I wonder does the wound ever really heal, or what is left is just an old Band-Aid covering a mess unattended beneath the surface?
When the terrible heaviness in your heart floods you, go deeper, call yourself back into that place, like Rumi teaches, “the wound is the place where the light enters you”.
With deep breaths and so much love Melody